Mother’s Day and Vincent’s birthday have always been synonymous. He was born on May 7th, and then 5 days later he finally came home from the hospital on Mother’s Day. That has and will probably always be my very best Mother’s Day gift. A newborn child coming home after 5 days in the ICU was a complete scare–not to mention it being my firstborn.
Now, with this past Mother’s Day come and gone, it felt rather grave and celebratory all at once. I do realize actually hope he will remember Mother’s Day from here on out, but this past Sunday was the very last time he was living in my home for both his birthday and Mother’s Day. Yes, I’m being melodramatic, but what can I say? It felt somber and happy all at once.
Parenting, and to be more specific mothering, is changing drastically for me. With one leaving for college in August and the other becoming more and more independent by the day, my motherhood is experiencing a shift. By no means is it over, but it surely feels different. Long gone are the days where they really, really need me for mothering care. Or rather, they still need me as their mom, but it’s so opposite of what I’ve known from the last 19 years.
As I meander my new role, I have to admit the grief felt in losing the former. Recently I bought toddler pjs for a friend; that alone was such a joy. I haven’t been able to dress them in ages! As the time with Vincent dwindles to months and now weeks, I have thoughts of, “Have I taught him that? And what about this…” I’m now at the point of really picking what I want to impart on Vinnie before he leaves for university. I suppose the main mission is still there: be kind! If my kids learn anything from me, it’s that I want them to exit their parents’ home with an inherent sense of kindness that comes from within.
Soon there will be even bigger changes with Kevin and my relationship. I mean it will be the same, but again it will be so much different. What happens when the children aren’t the focal point anymore? I anticipate and look forward to a re-falling in love. I mean, we are still in love, but with no kids around, it will definitely be different. No way do I plan to grow apart, but rather rekindle those courtship years from years and years ago.
Have you gone through this phase of motherhood? If you have, I would love any advice you have to offer. I’m all ears. Like other moms out there, I want to be the very best mother I can to my kids. I want to make sure I reach them in the way they need support right now. I’ll always be their mommy. That’s not changing. What has to change is my mothering.
How did mothering change for you as your children grew?
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